A Welcome Back Letter from Head of Upper School Neeltje Henneman
Dear Parents and Guardians,
I hope this letter finds you well and that summer has provided you with some opportunities to spend time with friends and family. I’m very grateful for the more relaxed pace July has afforded me, and I have relished time with my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews. As we all get older, I definitely do not take these moments for granted.
At this time of year, I always start to think ahead to September. I think of what early fall is like on campus as students and teachers start to re-engage with their school life. I can almost hear the buzz of busy hallways and the laughter of students rekindling school friendships. I imagine the first assembly, the GCA full, the 9th-graders in the front of the room, the seniors at the back. I imagine the mix of excitement and trepidation with which we all approach new things. I think of the activity out at the farm, practices, scrimmages, and games. I picture the seniors walking into the courtyard with our youngest students during our opening assembly. I imagine basketball games during lunch and I anticipate Cafe Series performances. There is a lot to look forward to.
It’s also true that, when I think of the upcoming school year, I picture the courtyard on a beautiful sunny day, not on a day that is raw and rainy; I picture kids laughing, not anxious or sad; and I imagine victories and vibrant fall afternoons out at the farm, not the losses, occasional disappointments, or gray skies. And while the images of joy, learning, healthy competition, and community will certainly be part of what fall offers, there will be some gray days too.
In my remarks to the students during our final assembly, I sent them off to summer reminding them of ways in which technology has seemingly made it possible for us to achieve immediate gratification. Bored? Scroll through an endless supply of social media posts or Tik Tok videos. Sad? Find a funny bit on Youtube. Hungry? What’s available via Uber Eats? Not surprisingly, my point was to remind the kids of the danger of this search for immediate gratification, of the unsustainability of endless pleasure, and the traps we fall into when we engage in the relentless pursuit of pleasure. While I reminded them of how helpful it can be to take a break from the cycle of scrolling through social media posts, I also encouraged them to practice some both/and thinking. I reminded them that summer would hold lots of happy, relaxing days, and also some plain, old boring ones. We all have good days and bad days, days when we are our best selves and days when we are far from it. We all have days that we’d like to remember, and days that we would like to forget as soon as possible. And we have to accept all of it. I think this reminder is important for all of us. Not every day this fall will be blissful. We won’t win every game; we won’t ace every test. We won’t always treat everyone with the kindness they deserve, and everyone won’t be nice to us all the time. But we’ll learn from and through all of it. We’ll learn from the good days and the bad, from the things that go well and the things that go poorly. All of these experiences will shape us, and at year’s end we’ll emerge with a new set of lessons learned, of tools acquired.
I do want to add something about phone use. It’s a topic I know that is on all of our minds, and I know that all of us wrestle with just how much phone use in school (and out) is the appropriate amount. I also know that some fall firmly in the camp of no use at all, while others feel it’s important that kids are allowed access to their phones. As we head back to school, I wanted to make sure you are aware of our current practices. As many of you know, we tightened up our practices for use in the classroom considerably last year. All teachers have a system for collecting phones in their classroom, and the use of phones is only permitted for teacher-directed activities. That practice will continue this year. In addition, we will have a working group of students and faculty who will work on a proposal for minimizing phone use during unscheduled time, and I suspect we will have some trials of phone-free periods of times.
You can help with this effort on the family front. In addition to modeling healthy phone use at home (which we will work on too), I urge you to cut down on texting your kids during the day. While sometimes there are very good reasons you need to be in touch with your child, often texts are a matter of convenience (“so I don’t forget”), rather than necessity. While at school, kids should be able to focus on school – the good parts of the day as well as the less good parts. Sitting with discomfort is an important skill. Not succumbing to the need for an immediate answer is also important. Thank you–I appreciate your partnership, as always.
To those of you who are new to Wheeler, welcome! We are so excited to get to know you and to learn more about the unique talents, interests, and perspectives that you will bring to the community. We know we are lucky that you have chosen to make this community your home for the next few years, and we look forward to welcoming you in person when the school year begins.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions, and enjoy the rest of August.
Sincerely,
Neeltje Henneman
Head of the Upper School